what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
