This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't put those talents on a resume
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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