god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
