And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
