I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize