i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
