Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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