Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
