I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize