I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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