When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
