u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
