He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
