u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
