I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
