Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
