I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
