Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
