after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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