I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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