GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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