So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
