Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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