cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
