I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
