and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
