if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we're making bets on your personal life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
