I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize