Fine. I'll sleep in my office
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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