Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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