My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
