Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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