i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
