Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
