We're facebook friends in real life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
