plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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