Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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