you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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