Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
