he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
