Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
