She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
