well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
