Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize