We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
