lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
