drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
