I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
