why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
