Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
