i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
