4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
