I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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