So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
