i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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