Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He did a backflip because drugs
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