1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
