I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
