If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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