I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
