There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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