I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
