Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
