I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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