just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
