fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
