I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
