I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
