He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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