I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
