I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
