You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
