Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
