I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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